how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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