I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
