I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
