You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
