Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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