I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize