shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
