Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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