Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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