I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
