ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
