I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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