So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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