Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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