i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
