I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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