We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
