I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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