We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
