definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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