Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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