Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
