all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
