The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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