nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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