My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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