You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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