Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
