3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
