K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
