just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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