She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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