No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
