i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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