Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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