Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize