...so i touched it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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