She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
