It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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