sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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