How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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