I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
