at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
