did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
