when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
