then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
