I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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