I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
