It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
