there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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