do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
