oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I currently don't understand fingers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
