I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
