dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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