Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
