I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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