to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize