I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
