Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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