were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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