Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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