I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
