so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
