I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
