my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
