Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
