I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
