Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
