Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
