This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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