there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
