a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thus making me awesome and them whores
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he thought i was a dude.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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