did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"it" just moved
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
